Introduction

Hello one and all! This is my first blog ever, and I decided to cover my daily life in the disorder I have struggled with the past 5 years since I was diagnosed. Borderline Personality Disorder is described as a mental health disorder that is marked by patterns of ongoing instability of moods, behaviors, self image, and functioning.

Translated: I am moody, unpredictable, confused about myself, and at times not motivated enough to budge. It doesn't help much that I have depression and anxiety as well. I panic very easily, especially when I accidentally upset people, or when someone berates me. I am sensitive to the tones in people's voices; I also can't stand loud noises.

But there are plus sides to this disorder. I'm highly sensitive, and even though that usually is considered a bad thing, I like to think of it as a way to enjoy life to the fullest with the positive emotions I have. I'm also very creative; I do all sorts of artwork, and I play six different instruments. I write poetry and my own song lyrics to get me through the bad days. I have high energy most days, and that's great for my activities.

I struggle with identity every day. I look in the mirror and don't understand who I see in comparison to what others see. It pains me that I feel that way, and it can affect me for days and even months if it's bad.

I do have someone in my life who helps me. His name is Matthew, and we've been dating for 3 years now. When I have a panic attack he is either there for me or a phone call away, and he's a great support. I'll go over some of the ways we handle my panic attacks and depressive episodes in later posts.

Other than that, I'm hoping to keep this blog going as much as I can. Warning: there will be bad days, and even in my anger I try to keep it clean. Feel free to post questions, but all I ask is 2 things: Keep it real, and be mature.